Kiwis Corner

I’ve been to the emergency room twice in less then 24h. I’m all better now (it was during monday I had to go there), but I don’t feel like telling the whole story now.

So enjoy a pic I took of a cute bronze sculpture of a rat, located in the emergency room.

The other night when August came over we started discussing sexualities and different groups wiews on different sexualities. How some people will always claim they are discriminated against if they are not the norm, how some claims that you can choose your sexuality etc.
One thing I’m curious about is what it it that decides ones sexuality. Obviously it’s not something you can choose- if it were we probably wouldn’t have a gay community since it traditionally has been very taboo, atleast in the western societies. I would like to know, but some conciders it discriminating that it even exists research on the subject. But then, I would also like to know what decides ones personality, how memories are stored in the brain and alot of other neurologic/neuro-psychologic things.

Anyway, this disscussion had me thinking. How does one become a fetishist?
Is sexual fetishism someting that only exists in developed societies, or does it exist amongst nature folks as well? If it does, how does it work there?
Can one have a fetish (undeveloped of course) for something he or she has never encountered?

I know. I should write more happy stuff. Whatever.

Tonight is a bad night. It started out good with semla with Lina at Linne, and then Tango with August. But at the tango there was a girl who we talked to a bit, and we started talking about salsa. And so now I can’t let the past go for tonight. August came home with me and we wached Sweeny Tod. It was great! But then he left to go home and sleep (poor thing has been moving today) and I read an e-mail from my mom telling me about my sisters new prom dress. She graduates soon.
And I never got to go to prom. Partly by choice- since noone started a prom commitee I did. But then I got kicked out by some girls who just came in and took over since my ideas weren’t good enough becaus they weren’t the way it had ALWAYS been done. And partly becaus I didn’t have a dress. When we moved to Luleå my moms friend offered to make my prom dress. She is a very talented seemstress, so I was very happy. But then she didn’t have time, and I couldn’t afford to get someone else to make it since I had only saved the money she wanted (wich was material costs) and becaus of my bossom I can’t just go out and buy one since nothing ever fits.
I feel like Cinderella in the story that ends with her sitting home due to lack of dress since we all know magic doesn’t exist and mice can’t sow, while one of my evil stepsisters marries the prince to live happily ever after while I keep on scrubbing pots and pans ’till I get old and die. My sister is really sweet and I want her to have a wonderfull time. It’s just that I want that for me too.

And I can’t stop thinking of Lazaro. He’s living with Teresa now (so much for those promises of pure and platonic friendship), and they have moved to Dillen. I hope The Dillen Boys krushes his knee caps and makes him handicapped and miserable forever.
Hopefully he’ll get all the anal sex he ever wants from Teresa without causing her pain and making her bleed. But hey, we all know that anal sex without lube and warming up is the way to go! Especially if the reciever has never even heard of it before you try to stick it in the wrong hole!
The hard part is that I wish her no harm. She was only 18 when she met him, and I suppose he either treated her differentky from how he treated me (I hope so) or she hasn’t had the awakening and possibility to break free that I fortunately got after only two years.

I suppose I should make this one of those password protected entrys, but fuck it. As fas as I know there’s only two or maybe three people reading my blog anyway and they would have gotten the password. Let the world know my misery.