Kiwis Corner

I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that I was going to preform at a theme park. The theme was some djungle adventure that the founder had experienced in his youth. There were swamps with alligators and stuff (all fake of course since it was a theme park). But then somehow I wasn’t to preform but sit in the audience. After the show I met up with my brother, who for some reason wanted a sexchange. I was really really mad with him, but I didn’t know why. It wasn’t that he wanted a sexchange, I was fine with that. I think it might be that all these years I thought he was a boy and all the while he was fooling me since he really was a girl trapped in a mans body. But it took a long time to get to any kind of conclusion. While being all mad at him I walked around the theme park, ending up by a doughnut stand. The doughnut stand was worked by Ricky Martin (why, my subconscious, WHYYY???), and all the other people got their orders before me even thou I was there first! So I got even more cranky. Then my brother came and ordered an 8 gallon trippe thick milk shake. That was their medium size.
I was angry and left, going to some friends apartement. It was studio apartement filled with cool stuff, but it was sad becaus one of the friends had just been killed at work. The friends where a couple of gay chinese shark hunters who lived there with their shark hunting dogs. The dead one had been killed during their last mission, to find and kill the extremely aggressive basking shark. They had almost succeeded when the shark breached, hitting their canoe with the tail fin on its way down. He fell in to the water and was dragged down in to the deep by the shark.
His partner and boyfriend was very very upset, so we helped him pack up the dead ones things and sorting through them for what to keep and what to get rid of. Then I woke up.

 I have no idea what my subconscious is trying to tell me. Feel free to analyze and send me the result.
I mean, the basking shark is very very placid and only eats plankton. Why would Ricky Martin work in a doughnut stand? Why would anyone hunt shark by means of canoe, and why would that be the standard way of shark hunting- canoe and dogs? I’m pretty sure my brother doesn’t want a sexchange. (The only person I know who wants one is FtM, to top it of. But he is almost done, and it looks really good!) Help me?

I just read afew pages in a blog that belongs to a friends friend. The blogger in question is a swedish male in his 30s living in a heterosexual relationship, and is blogging about parenthood and his first (and this far only) child who is about 1,5 years old.
Much of his thoughs about parenting seems to agree with mine.
I was raised in a loving family who believes that boys can wear skirts if they want to, and girls can enjoy building electrical gadgets and one should be encouraged to be who they are and do what they enjoy to be happy. I think most of that is pretty standard in sweden now days, but was probably still a little controversial in the 1980’s when I was born and lived my first six years.

Now to what I was thinking about more in particular.
In the beginning of september he got some diaper commercial in his mailbox. It wanted him to join the parenthood community on www.pampers.se, “a place on the internet where you can share your experiences of parenthood with other parents”. The only problem is that the makers of the community seems to have no clue about reality OR equality. It pretty much only targets women and their parenting role. Under the tag “me” you find ways of loosing the weight one gained under pregnancy, ways of handeling the pain during the birthing process and ways to prevent complications while brestfeeding etc. To find ANYTHING about the fathers role you have to clic the tag “My family and world”. There are two articles under that tag. Ome is written by an expecting father, and the other by somekind of “expert”. The one written by the “expert” talks about how the father has to choose how much he wants to be involved in raising his kid, and how he must choose wich activities he wants to be in charge of. The whole article has an air of “The mom is the main parent, and will take care of diaper changes, stomach flues and making nutritious dinners for the happy family. The father makes the money, and when he comes home from work he will teach the little rascals how to ride a bike and perhaps help with the math home work”. Ok, It’s ALITTLE more modern then that but still! Suzanne Dixon lives in Minnesota and is a medical doctor who specialises in obstetrics and gynecology. But parenting-wise she is still where the swedish people were in the 1970’s when women demanded more freedome and that the father be more involved in the kids.
I know no fathers around my age in sweden who has had it as easy as she seems to think the father should have it. When they come home from work the tired mother has practicly thrown the baby in the fathers arms to change diapers/feed/bathe/whatever just to get a few moments to them selves. That the father should stay home if the kid gets sick just as much as the mom should is so selfevident that it’s not even discussed (except maybe for when the kid actually gets sick and one of the parents has an important meeting and therefore can’t stay home this time).

I know I’m really spoiled since I’m a swedish woman. Sweden is the most equal country in the world and many things that women in some other countrys can’t even dream of are things that I take for granted.
And I get that Pampers wants to sell more diapers and whatever other products they have and therefor naturally targets the mother since in most countrys she is in charge of those things, but couldn’t they atleast pretend to care more about the father and his parenting?
What if a desperate single father (say the mother died around the time she gave birt as an example) found the page and needed guidance and advice and only foudn yoga excercises to strengthen the kegel muscles after birth? That would suck.

I’ve just skimmed through a pretty funny book. Or a very sad and depressing book, depending on how you see it. It’s called De övergivnas arme, wich translated to english becomes The abandoneds army. It was released in 1997, and it’s supposed to be a critical wiew on the dangers of RPGs and LARPs.
   If you are at all interested in the subject and have ever spoke with people who actually have this hobby you will quickly notice that the whole book is pretty much bullshit. It has a few valid points, such as: adults, talk to your children and let them know you love them. And: most people interested in RPGs are verbal, social and intelligent.

I promise all of you out there: those of us who play RPGs will not form an army and take over the world.
   Yes, there are some RPGers that are depressed. Some are outcasts in their schools and some are a danger to themselfes and others. But there are also very successfull buissnessmen- and -women. There are happy mothers, good students and even fil.dr amongst us. We do not want the dangerous ones with a weak sense of reality amongst us. But I seriously doubt that RPGing is any more dangerous then acting on a stage in a play. I’ve had more upsetting experiences during acting classes then during RPGing.

I did some research online a moment ago, and I found one of the authors’ blog. Aparantly she still gets TONS of mail pointing out the wrongs of this book.
   She also wonders why the swedish LARPs and RPGs are so filled with violence. Can’t we be more like a japanese cosplay meeting at a cafe in Tokyo she heard about where everybody dressed up in colorful suits and was happy and played for a while? It’s obvious that she either found some kind of kitten play-cosplay event or has no idea what she talks about AGAIN. Most of the characters people dress up like comes from anime series and manga. Most of wich are very violent. Even the very cute Kore ga watashi no goshujin sama!? (He is my master!?) has very violent fistfights, air soft-battles and a very high level of soft core porn.
Perhaps she would be happier at a furry/plushie-convention.

In the 11 years since the book came out it has not been re-edited. No information has been withdrawn or added. Yet she still lives on that book and that old -incorrect- information. She has as late as june this year published excerps from the book in her blog.
The only expertise she can claim in this area is that she is a drama teacher. I’m sure she’s a good teacher and a decent person. And it makes me sad that -after this blog-entry- I probably won’t have more energy to put on her. Wich means I won’t have the energy to contact and discuss with her. Also, I don’t feel like an elite RPGer, one of wich she wants to get in touch with. Also, I honestly doubt that it would make any difference if I so had a phd on the subject.

Well. Time to go to bed. It’s getting late, and I feel my mood sinking more and more. I just hope I get to sleep without nightmares and anxiety attacs tonight. 

As the title implies, I’m wondering. I’m wondering why we get new scheduals atleast twice a year at my job. I liked the last one. Why are we changeing again? I’ve e-mailed and asked.
But to me it seems odd.

So much is happening, and I wish I could write about all of it!
I’ve tried for a week- but I haven’t sorted it all out myself yet. But I’ll try to get the big picture down.

I went to Ödesväv II (a larp) and came back home. I had so much fun and so much to do! Unfortunately I got burnt in the sun so I had to sit in the shadow behind the tent for two days, but people came to see me there so it was ok. We went swimming in the lake almost every day, and in the evenings we partied. We cooked over open fire, slept in a big tent and didn’t have to worry about the real world for a week. No internet, no cell-phones, no stereos or cars… It’s so wonderfully relaxing! I can hardly wait ’till next summer!
But I’m glad I played human and not an elf or something. All that make-up in the heat must have been hard to stand. Also, I bet us humans had more fun!
I think I might have been flirted with too, the last evening at the post-larp party. But I don’t know. I suck at interpreting that kind of things and I’m to afraid to make a fool of myself to dare to do anything if I’m not completely sure. Also, I don’t really know how to flirt back. Or really, how to flirt at all.

My boys has a new cage. It’s big and beautiful! And they seem to love it. I just have to modify it a bit, put in some more hatches and stuff to make it more accessible to me when I clean it and try to get the boys out. 

Yesterday I was at Fredriks moving-in party. It was great! I had so much fun! I’m so glad he moved in to Paulis apartement so I can get to know him!

This is the last evening of my vacation. Tomorrow it’s back to reality again. I would like to have more vacation ofcourse, but really it feels good to go back to work to. My only fear is that I won’t survive the heat while doing stuff like walking the dogs and cooking… But if I’m to trust the metrologists I’ll just get wet. It’s supposed to rain ALOT for a week or two. Poor people in Visby…
I felt really bad for all the people who had come to Stockholm to celebrate Euro-Pride. It rained on the parade. But my sources states that it was fun anyway and that the mood was really good.

I have to go shopping soon. I’m to attend a wedding the weekend after next and I need something nice to wear.
The wedding is at the same time that Lina celebrates her birthday It’s sad that I can’t attend both. I wish I could clone myself! Atleast I found a great birtdaypresent!

Time to go. Bye! 

It’s true. It takes my friends away. Or, it did when it was new to the market. I still wonder how my relationship survived those first critical months since WoW was launched a couple of weeks after we started dating. Probably becaus we lived in separate cities and I’m good at entertaining myself. The fact that Nidde is great most of the time probably helps too.
   When I first moved to Uppsala I got to know a few people. But then WoW came, and they just didn’t have time for IRL interacting anymore. They had to raid and go on quests with their guilds and level and farm gold and get mounts and stuff. So I was pretty lonely again. Thank God for Hoffa, and Nidde. And Emma, who I studied with. But she moved away and became a glass maker instead.
   I thought that WoW was more or less down to acceptable levels in my life. The most addicted friends had slipped away in to their addiction, Nidde has pretty much come out on the other side- the occational raid every now and then but it’s harldly even once a month now due to work and friends and other games. But then my best friend got to know this girl. Who bought my best friend WoW. And now my best friend doesn’t have time for me. She hardly even answeres SMS (texts) anymore. She says she wants to see me and talk to me, but when I try to contact her she doesn’t reply. I guess she’s busy when I’m free, and is free when I’m at work. Last week I went to visit her and look at the baby rats (who were adorable, ofcourse!). We had had trouble finding a time that suited both of us since I had my sucky week when I work evening and day every other day and I think I had a doctorsappointment on my free friday. Anyway. When me and another friend came, the WoW-friend was there. Wich would have been ok, had they not been playing for half of the time I was there.
   I truely sincerely hate WoW. It really does take my friends away from me. True I have made new friends- but that doesn’t matter! I miss her! It was supposed to be her and me against the world! And now she’s gone. I hope she comes back soon. Some times I wonder if I did something wrong. If I hurt her somehow that I don’t know of or if she grew sick of me and uses WoW as an excuse. Most of the time I know (?) that that’s not true.

If you read this (my best friend, you know who you are <3), don’t be sad if I don’t call or text very much. It’s not encouraging not to get responses. But when you feel ready and have gotten over this infatuation, call me. I’ll be here, waiting.

I’m in an emotional rollercoaster today. Unfortunately with more downs then ups. The day started bad with some kind of cramp in my knee. Odd, never had that before. Took about half an houre to get rid of. Could finally go back to sleep. Odd dreams. Nuclear bombs, snake bites, fight in a church, everything was just fucked up.
Alarm went of, got out of bed. Hungry, but couldn’t eat. Talked to August a bit. Finally able to eat, a cinnamonroll, a couple of mini bananas. Life sucks. Surfed the web. Took a shower. Didn’t help. Work in 30 min. Have to eat. Probably another roll. Hot food disgusts me today and I’m out if fruit and yoghurt.
Boss called, staff meeting nex tuesday. Good, we’re gonna talk about who does what etc. Will get a chance to tell my bitchy collegue how it is. That I’m not lazy- but I can’t do things in a place where I’m not. I can’t clean the apartement if we’ve been out all day etc. But she thinks I should. Does she know something I don’t? Can she stop time, or clone herself?

Need to get dressed and eat that roll now. I don’t want to. Wish I could stop eating, maybe then I could loose some weight. But I know that’s a bad idea so I won’t. I promise. I hope you have a better day then me.  

In todays Expressen you can read the hunters version about the brutal bear attac that they were victims of. The poor hunters are still hospitalized after the agressive bears mauling.
   I’m not an animals right activist. I believe in eating fuzzy, cute and dead animals becaus I like the taste. I enjoy the feeling of fur, and I’m pro animal testing for medical puposes (NOT make up and other unneccesary things). But honestly. If someone tried to kill me, I’d be pissed too. And I’d probably try to hurt them if I didn’t find a way to flee. What’s the big deal? We all know that trapped bears are dangerous. They are BIG. They are STRONG. And they have vicious claws and fangs. So seriously. Get a grip. You tried to kill the bear first.

I’m cleaning out the closet in the hall. I hate cleaning, it messes up my head completely and I get really really tired. Hello Asperger. But
atleast I’m almost done with my stuff. Nidde gets the honour of doing his own things.
I’m gonna cook lasagna for dinner, but right now I feel like sleeping for afew houres instead. No can do since the bed is filled with stuff.

Hedda left us a week after Hickory. I guess she really missed her sister. They had been together since the womb. It’s really sad

I had lots of stuff on my mind, but now it’s blank. I’ll try again later.

I’m 24 and I just ran away from home for the first time. Lina says that when you’re an adult you don’t run away- you take a break. But it feels like I ran away. But I had to call in sick from work, and I was really really upset. I don’t know what to do. I really need to talk to Nidde, but before I can do that I need to calm down some more or I will end up in a crying, shivering pile again.
Tomas I talked to Nidde and told him I’m sleeping at Linas place tonight. But it worries me that I haven’t heard anything at all from Nidde. Do I have something to come home to? Does he want to solve this or does he want to break things off becaus I’m acting like a crying emo kid? Can I really be sure that he’s not mad at me?

It’s sad that I’m missing the dinner with August, I was looking forward to that. But I’m really in no state to be nice and social. But maybe I can call him later when dinner is over and ask him to make a cuddle pile with me. He’s god at that.